The Eye on the Skull Ship/Transcript
Sector G, hall one, all clear. Sector G, hall two, all clear. Sector G, hall three Oh! Hi. Oh, I didn't see you there. Hey, you know, you're not really allowed in here. Top secret security stuff. But if you've ever wondered about what keeps Lord Hater's galactic domination machine running, well, then, you're in for a real treat, because it's time for This is Eye On the Skull Ship. I'm Andy, your humble host, and I'd like to welcome you to a very special episode. We all know that life on the skull ship can be tedious at times. One routine work day seamlessly blending into the next. But today is going to be different. Today, I'm proud to bring you A one-on-one with Lord Hater! That's right. I put in a formal request to interview our esteemed leader and Oh, my gracious! Maybe that's Hater now. Okay. Hello. You're live on Eye On the Skull Ship with Andy, chief security monitor I know who you are, Andy. This is Commander Peepers. Once again, your request to interview Lord Hater has been rejected on grounds that it's not your job to make this stupid show! Well, it's not my job, per se, but you know, I think it's my duty to help enlighten Just keep an eye on your sector. Yes, sir. Always do. No, you don't!! Well, slight change of plans. Looks like we won't be talking to Lord Hater. But fret not, dear viewers. I know you're dying to see him, and I won't give up until I give you what you want. In the meantime, I bet you're wonderin' What's for lunch? That's right. It's the 453rd time we find out exactly what the Watchdogs are eating for lunch. Excuse me, fellow Watchdog. What refreshing and replenishing meal has been graciously given to you by our generous leader Lord Hater? Oh, wow. Uh, hi. Um, apparently, I have never been on live television before, and apparently, I'm having enchiladas. - Apparently. - Fascinating. - And what delicious - Enchiladas! Enchiladas! Enchiladas! Chef, tell us, enchiladas. Was this meal specifically chosen by Lord Hater's decree? Uh no. Taco Tuesday was yesterday, so there was leftovers, and I decided to make, uh, enchiladas. Hmm, interesting. So does Lord Hater like enchiladas? I don't know. All I know is, I didn't want the stuff to go to waste, - so I reused it today. - Hm, yes. But Lord Hater See, the thing with The thing with ground beef is, you gotta Self-defense, where the Watchdogs closest to Hater, his elite ground troops, learn the fine art of conquering. And if we're lucky, Lord Hater might make a surprise pop-in to inspect the troops. To be the best takes months of intense training in areas like Advanced Sylvia Defense And, of course, Wander Avoidance Tactics. I know he wants to be your friend. I know he wants to play carnival games. I know he knows all your names, and birthdays, and how you like to spend a rainy Sunday with a crossword and a cup of chamomile. I mean, he is really not such a bad guy. No! Wander is pure, unadulterated love! I'm sure our resident drill instructor has a host of exciting Hater stories to share with us. - You're darn right I do. One time - Andy! - Why aren't you at your post?! - Uh, gotta go. See you next time. We are live from Level H8, Hater's private floor. Only Watchdogs in Hater's inner circle are allowed on this level. I hope to speak with someone close to the big man himself. Though it's risky, it's worth it, because this is the story every Watchdog is waiting for. I wonder who we'll Oh, my gosh. That was Captain Tim, Lord Hater's personal pet. This is a sure-fire exclusive. We're here with Lord Hater's personal pet and dog walker. Wow. What I wouldn't give to work so closely - with our great leader. - Be my guest! Welcome again to Eye On the Skull Ship. Thanks to some of the guys in the infirmary, I was able to secure an exclusive place at one of Hater's rallies! Whoo ow, ow! Fear not, viewers. Though I can barely see or hear our esteemed leader, I assure you, I will get at least some of the Hater coverage you demanded. He's talking about his hated rival Lord Dominator. Boo! And now he's saying he'll conquer her heart? That can't be right. Well, Peepers seems to be getting very upset about this. Hater's pulling out what appears to be some kind of - It's the T-shirt cannon! - Whoo! Nooo! Oh "I heart Dominator. " Oh, boy. Hello, all. After a serious close call with Commander Peepers, your humble host has decided to do the show entirely from the safety of his security office, so he won't get fired. But you won't believe who stopped by for a little chat with us. The one and only Lord Hater! Hi, Andy. It sure is an honor to be here. Huge fan of the show. Really? Oh, well, sir, that really means the world to me. And each and every one of you Watchdogs mean the world to me, Andy. In fact, I'd like to thank all the Watchdogs for their tireless service. They're truly the backbone of the skull ship, and Oh, who am I kidding? I'm sorry, everyone. I was a fool to think I could give you a good show. I'll never get a Lord Hater interview. Hey, uh, my printer stopped working. It says I need toner. Are you Toner? I, uh I, uh - You do TV here? - Uh, yes, sir. Unless that would get me in trouble, in which case, no. How many people watch your show? - Oh, it goes out all over. - All over, huh? Dear viewers, it is with the deepest pride that I present to you the man, the myth, the leader I'm honored to serve. The greatest in the galaxy. Lord Hater. - Lord Hater, how are you? - Good to be here, Toner. Listen up, and listen good! All you poser villains out there better recognize who the G-est in the G is! It's Lord Hater, number one superstar! You want a piece of me, Emperor Dork-some? Got beef, Sandwich? Then bring it on, losers! I will lightning you so hard - that you'll be all, like - Oh, sir. Excuse me. How dare you interrupt my righteous rant to the galaxy?! I'm sorry, sir. It's just that, you see, when I said the show went out all over, I meant all over the skull ship. Not the galaxy. Wait. So who actually watches this? Well, I don't have the exact figures handy. It certainly has the potential to be viewed by, you know, anyone on the ship, so mostly Watchdogs, I think. Watchdogs?! You make a show for Watchdogs?! That's the stupidest, lamest thing ever! I mean, really?! This show is stupid! You're stupid! You should both be cancelled. Hater out! Sector G, hall one, all clear. Sector G, hall two, all clear. Sector G, hall three, all clear. Commander Peepers. Sir, I promise I stopped doing my stupid show. Nothing is going on. I know. That's the problem. Andy fan, best show! Andy fan, best show. Andy fan, best show! The Watchdogs are rioting. Apparently, they wanna watch your weird little show about them. They claim your interviews made them feel special. Yuck! Well, you mean, I didn't need a Hater interview? I was making the show the Watchdogs wanted all along? A show that made them feel special? Wow. I mean, that that makes me feel special. Yeah, yeah, just make your stupid show. Enchiladas! Welcome to Eye On the Skull Ship, the only show for Watchdogs, about Watchdogs, by a Watchdog, for Watchdogs. I am your humble host, Andy the Watchdog, and today, I am here with Giuseppe, the ship's tailor. So what's your secret? You see, the Watchdogs have the very big heads, and the very skinny necks. So it's all about the stretchy shirts. Then it's about the beanies and the booties and the glovies. If the Watchdogs don't look good, - Giuseppe no look good. - Fascinating. Yuck! Why would anyone watch this? I don't know, sir. I just don't know. Category:Transcripts